Twas the night before Metal Christmas on Laurier Loud, As Danny Guts played music to his regular crowd.
When outside the studio there was such a clatter, Danny looked out the window to see what was the matter
Then Danny shouted “hey whose out there, oh it’s my good friends BloodbBister, and Nick Nightmare”
“Come on in guys”, he said, “I’d never say leave, and besides I could use company on metal Christmas eve”
The friends all gathered and discussed with great cheer, what heavy metal presents they had asked for that year
Bloodblister said, with his eyes very lit, “I’d like some cymbals, for my giant drumkit”
Nightmare was next, he said “well it’s not final, but what I really want is Number of the Beast on Vinyl”
And what about Danny? “Well it would be great, if I could see a reunion of Mercyful Fate”
The pals cranked the tunes, and raised their horns high, knowing that metal Christmas day was nigh
When from right outside, they heard a power metal yell, and a solo that sounded like it came straight from hell
Who could it be? Well it became clear, It was Heavy Metal Clause and his Hell-bent Reindeer.
“On Dio, On Lemmy, On Dickinson and Halford, On Schuldiner and Abbath and Ozzy and Cooper”
“To Wacken, to Bloodstock to the Heavy Metal Mall, We’ll ensure a true brutal Christmas to all’
But then the man landed, and it made such a bang, that even Lemmy Kilmisters ears would have rang
The three ran outside, combat boots in the snow, what had just happened, they needed to know
They found the old man, crouched down by his sled, he wore lots of denim but it was all blood red.
He had steel toed boots, and patches to spare, and a beard that matched his long, long white hair
“Whats wrong”? Asked Danny, and the old man said “something seems to be wrong with my frostbitten sled”
“This sleigh runs on music, from the speakers right here, but they’ve been knocked loose, and I’m out of evil cheer”
“What we’ll have to do, and this would be grand, is to form a Heavy Metal Christmas eve band”
“You see since this sled is powered by metal, and if we play hard enough it should start up the pedal”
“And as the group played and were spinning their hair, they noticed the sled lifting into the air”
The group played all over, from Brazil to Peru, and soon their metal Christmas journey was through
“We’ve done it” said Metal Clause, “and now really swift, I’ll make sure to give each of you one gift”.
“BloodBlister” he said, “since you pound on the skins, you get Symbols so loud they’d make Danny Carey spin”
“And now for you Nightmare” the man said with glee,” you not only get Number, but the NOFX discography”
“And finally Danny, since your metal heart is true, this year Mercyful Fate will reunite just for you”
Metal Clause looked at him, “no effort to expend, because after all King Diamonds an old friend”
“Horns up, my good headbangers, don’t shed a grim tear, after all I promise to visit again next year”